I always get so wrapped up into what can make my life thrilling and worthwhile. Being young and crazy has its perks and sometimes I wake up on the weekends saying, "I cannot believe that happened last night." Reckless and free without a care in the world sounds so much better than what the actual feeling is like. I find myself contently living a double life; trying to be that honor student with intentions to never do wrong, yet wanting to go out on the weekends with my girls doing things that should be seen on a show like "Jersey Shore."-- Okay, maybe not that intense, but you catch my drift. I don't want to be that prick that never wants to go out, I want to be able to dance, drink, party, meet new people and do outrageous things because I can.
To find a reason to let go and understand why I must put up this wall is beyond me. I want to make mistakes and not expect to be perfect in front of everyone. There is so much to learn from that I feel like one day it will hit me square in the face. I want to be this image of purity and depth, yet I want to be reckless. Maybe I just need someone to show me what I have been missing out on. I need guidance of right and wrong. Is what I'm turning into the person I want to become? Am I just living a dream of being someone I'm not? How will I know which path I've chosen? The comfort zone I've created for myself doesn't allow me to belly flop into life... it only slams me harder into the glass pain that surrounds my perfect little world. I can't subject myself into being sheltered anymore.
No comments:
Post a Comment